Understanding suicide
Suicide never depends on a single factor. It is the result of a combination of multiple elements, such as the person's living environment, whether or not they have social support and the possibility of getting help when the person needs it most. Nor is it the result of a specific problem; rather, it is a result of how the person perceives the problem. Most of the time, the person does not want to take their own life but they feel so hopeless that they think it is the only solution to their problem.
How does a person come to believe that suicide is the only answer?
After trying, unsuccessfully, multiple ways to solve their problems and end their suffering, the idea of suicide starts to invade the person's thoughts. It's as if the person is moving through a tunnel: they begin to see less and less light and start believing that they will never see the end, which makes their suffering intolerable.
Still, it is possible to reverse this process. When a suicidal person finds a new solution to their problems, their suffering is reduced and their suicidal thoughts fade away. This is why suicidal individuals remain ambivalent until the last moment: despite their feelings of hopelessness, they’re still looking for a solution.
What are the predisposing factors for suicide?
A person can be more vulnerable as a result of their life experience (for example, if they are a victim of abuse or violence or have a mental health disorder).
What are the factors that can increase the risk that a person will attempt suicide?
Consuming and abusing drugs, lacking the necessary resources in their environment and previously having suicidal thoughts increase the risk.
What are the factors that may lead to a suicide attempt?
It is generally a case of “the straw that breaks the camel's back” (for example, the loss of a job, a breakup, a rejection or a recent bereavement).
What are the factors that can, on the other hand, protect the person?
A person will be less likely to attempt suicide if they have the necessary resources and support from their friends and family and if the people with whom they associate are healthy role models.
How to help a friend or loved one
It's normal to feel powerless and as if you lack the necessary resources when a friend or family member is thinking about suicide and you want to help them. We often wonder what we should and shouldn't do or we try to find help and answers to our questions.
What should I do if a friend or family member is thinking about suicide?
- Be yourself and talk to the person as you normally would.
- Ask them directly: “Are you thinking about committing suicide?”
- Choose the right time to ask the question.
- Try to understand what your loved one is experiencing (by asking them) and get them to talk about what's wrong.
- Talk about their suicidal thoughts and ask the H.W.W. questions (How? Where? and When? is the person thinking about taking their own life?). (It is important to note that if their chosen method is easy to access, the risk of going through with their plan is higher.)
- Try to secure their environment by keeping their medications, firearms, rope and any other object that could be used as a means of suicide under lock and key.
- Do not keep the secret to yourself and seek help yourself.
- Give the person the number for our 24/7 crisis intervention hotline: 450-371-4090 or 1-833-371-4090 (toll-free).
- Suggest that the person get help from a competent resource (Crisis and Suicide Prevention Centre, doctor, CLSC, mental health organization, etc.).
What should I avoid doing?
- Don't lecture the suicidal person or try to impose your own vision of happiness. Every individual's personality and view of the world is different and it is important to respect their way of life.
- Don't minimize the scale of the person's problems.
- Don't make promises that you won't be able to keep.
- Don't be disrespectful of the person but respect your own limits given the situation.
- Don't keep the problem to yourself. Talk to others about the situation to put your emotions into words and create a prevention network around the suicidal person.
If the suicidal person suddenly seems to be doing better when nothing in their life has changed, it can be a sign that the person is going to take their own life. You must get help immediately. Likewise, if nothing has changed or improved despite the interventions made in the person's life and entourage, contact our crisis centre to assess the urgency of the situation. We will then be able to create an action plan to ensure that the person stays safe and that you get the support you need.
Taking care of your mental health
One of the best ways to prevent suicidal thoughts and to prevent your suffering from becoming overwhelming is to maintain good mental health. Everyone can have good mental health. Even people suffering from mental health problems can feel a sense of well-being, be successful and lead a fulfilling life.
Maintaining a balance in the different areas of our lives (social, physical, mental, economic, spiritual and emotional) is essential to good mental health. While some periods of our lives may be challenging and maintaining balance is difficult (such as a troubled family life, demanding work, completing studies, health problems, supporting someone with limitations), they can still be an opportunity to question our lifestyle and make choices to regain balance. Below are a few ways to maintain good mental health.
Advice
- Maintain your physical health by establishing good lifestyle habits, such as eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising and reducing your consumption of stimulants and alcohol.
- Develop your social network by maintaining positive relationships with your friends and family, participating in leisure activities and asking for support when things aren't going well.
- Be attentive to your stress level by doing relaxation exercises (breathing, exercises, meditation), having confidence in yourself and participating in support groups, if necessary.
- Maintain a good work environment by asking your employer, for example, to hold regular team meetings, promote employee participation, show recognition and take steps to prevent psychological harassment.
Grieving after a suicide
The loss of a loved one by suicide follows the normal grieving process, with a few small differences and particularities.
When in mourning, most people go through a number of stages (according to Bowlby, 1985) but not necessarily in a linear fashion:
- Numbness
The person is in shock and has not yet processed the loss. They are on “auto-pilot.” This self-defence mechanism is normal; it helps the person gradually adapt to the situation. - Denial
The death is difficult to accept and the person refuses to believe the loss. They may feel angry or guilty. - Disorganization
When the person realizes that the loss of their loved one is permanent, many emotions can destabilize them, including anxiety, anger, despair and pain. They must learn to fill the void created by the loss of their loved one. - Reorganization
The person gradually accepts the loss and re-adapts to their new situation. The pain gradually lessens although it can sometimes reappear suddenly or on meaningful dates.
Following a suicide, a person in mourning may also feel intense emotions, such as the following:
- Guilt: The person wishes they could have done something to avoid the tragedy. They feel powerless or ignorant.
- Anger: The person feels angry at the person who committed suicide and may have trouble expressing it openly. This anger is sometimes due to the fact that the person feels rejected and abandoned.
- Shame: Out of fear of what other people will think, some people isolate themselves and prefer not to talk about it, which makes the grieving process difficult.
- Rejection and social stigmatization: When friends and family don’t know how to react to the person’s suffering, they sometimes avoid, accuse or blame the person, which can worsen their social isolation.
- Incomprehension: “Why did he/she do it?” The person is looking for an explanation or cause. They want to find out who is guilty and it is difficult to accept that this question doesn’t always have an answer.
A person in mourning can also begin to have suicidal thoughts. It is important that you seek help during this difficult time to share your pain, fears and doubts. Find someone with a sympathetic ear who can provide you with the support you need. Having your emotions validated by someone you trust will help you get through the grieving process.
Support services are available for people in mourning. Contact us to learn about our postvention services and support group.
